Nicola Harris (00:01.23)
Welcome back to another episode of the Economy of Seoul and happy 2026. We have arrived. I know for many of us, 2025 felt...
It felt like a lot. felt like this push and pull of like what is to come and what has been. And it was kind of like a bridge. And I certainly felt that myself. Twenty twenty five was such an incredibly beautiful year of deep remembrance around what it is that I really actually came here to do. And.
to formulate my work into something that I'm so incredibly proud of. It was a year that I big chances on myself and took a lot of rest, a lot of rest. I actually rested more in 2025 than I think I've probably rested in the prior 42 years of my life.
It was a year of...
permission around tending to myself in a very, very deep way. And a version of me a few years ago wouldn't have ever guessed that I would have spent so much time resting. She would have thought that that was absolutely ridiculous. Who has rest? Rest is for when you're dead. And we've got shit to do, so let's get going.
Nicola Harris (01:50.157)
And while there is a part of my energy that absolutely can lock in and do that, 2025 for me was a year of coming into acceptance around so many things.
things that I had.
I don't want to say ignore, but I don't think I understood the gravity that they held in the way that I was showing up, in the way that I operated, and in the way of how I was really formulating my own posture of possibility in my life.
Nicola Harris (02:33.848)
For those of you who don't know, I separated from my husband almost two years ago. And I am now single parent, three kids, the majority of the time. And I had to come into deep union around many things about my separation and divorce and around the 19 years that we spent together.
And unpacking a lot of that was incredibly deep work. It was very activating. As I was also planting huge seeds for what is to come next for myself, for my kids, and for my work. And it was a year where I sort of was in the ebb and flow. It was like, again, that real bridge year of
I'm locked and loaded on what's to come. However, I cannot, I know cannot carry what it is that I desire to carry in 2026 if I still have a lot of this baggage. And I didn't actually know that it was the year of the snake until we started talking about the year of the horse. And I was like, my gosh, that makes so much sense. Like I just, love, I love looking back actually on astrology and like all of these.
these different aspects of things after the fact because so much I go, my gosh, of course, of course it just makes so much sense because that's what's happening for us collectively. We were closing out a year nine. We were really like letting go, shedding what no longer needs to come with us as we build a new foundation. And while I was in a personal year one for my numerology,
that also felt like it was sort of the and both. I was doing a lot of shedding while I was building deep foundations for what's to come.
Nicola Harris (04:43.992)
But the reason that I wanted to do this episode was actually because I wanted to presence what that really actually feels like. Because as I stood on the doorstep of 2026, just last week, I felt almost a ping of panic. I felt almost a moment of goll-
I'm here. And there's like no turning back.
And over the last six weeks, I've had a lot of internal noise really turn up the dial. Internal noise that I, again, had to come into acceptance with that actually never belonged to me. It is residual noise that is from the person who I believed loved me for 19 years, maybe not the whole 19, but...
was supposed to be that person for me. And this is not about blame. It's not about blame at all, actually. It's about what happens when...
We know who we are.
Nicola Harris (06:10.111)
and yet.
Nicola Harris (06:14.114)
we allow others to really impact that. And it's the most human thing.
for this to happen, but I don't think I really realized until I was starting to really approach the start of 2026, which is going to be the year for me that I call in the biggest dream.
the biggest dream I've ever had, and that is to publish a book. And it might not even seem like that big of a dream to some people because it's pretty accessible now for us to just write books and put them out there.
But for me, I've really spent the last over 20 years.
working up the courage.
Nicola Harris (07:04.91)
To believe in what I have to say deserves this level of platform.
Nicola Harris (07:16.876)
And that was hard work. It was hard work to come to terms with.
voices and narratives that didn't belong to me. I came from a pretty traumatic childhood. From a childhood where my father was not only an alcoholic, but also a very heavy drug addict who was...
vacant for the majority of my, know, maybe not very early years, those formative years, but definitely the middle section of my life. I had to put very, very strong boundaries around how...
I wanted to interact with him through my adulthood. Boundaries that I felt guilty for, that I felt ashamed, that I even could do that to someone who helped create me.
Nicola Harris (08:20.248)
to offer a ton of forgiveness to the journey that I was on as a child. Thankfully, my mother was.
Nicola Harris (08:31.906)
She was really the first person who showed me what it meant to take responsibility for circumstances that you have no control over, but that it's still your responsibility to decide how it is that you wanted to live your life.
She was really the first person who allowed me to even understand that that was an option, that I did not need to become a statistic, that the abuse that I experienced as a child, that I buried for a very, very long time.
that that didn't have to define how I moved forward. And so much of what I've spent doing the last 23 years, or however long it's been, I think it's 23 years, that I've really held this dream is that I had to come into union, come into acceptance around the fact that
I have had very loud noise in my life up until two years ago when I decided to separate from my husband.
Nicola Harris (09:54.561)
And that I've really been teaching myself. And that's the thing is that we have to teach ourselves this. If this is something, if the noise has been there our whole life.
It's our responsibility to develop such a deep self-trust in who it is that we are outside of who they believed us to be.
Nicola Harris (10:26.07)
And I don't think...
No, I know. I know that I...
wasn't fully aware.
Nicola Harris (10:39.586)
that their narratives were really the thing that was leading me. And I would rebel against them. So it's not to say that I was robotic in the fact that I got so small that I completely disappeared because I didn't. I felt rebellious in so many moments where I was creating things and doing things that I knew was not what he wanted me to do.
Nicola Harris (11:10.53)
And that that was really how love was dressed for me. That was really how.
I thought it was supposed to be.
Nicola Harris (11:24.07)
And I look back now in this totally different space, and I realize that none of that was wasted time. All of it was telling me a story.
It was telling me a story about who I actually was, who I actually am.
and what is so incredibly important for me as I move forward.
And if you've ever been in a toxic environment, doesn't matter if it's a boss. I've had a couple of those who really like...
did not leave me unscathed in terms of my confidence, which thankfully is something that I came to earth with.
Nicola Harris (12:13.73)
But it doesn't matter if it's a boss, a neighbor, a family member, a parent, a sister, a sibling.
When you have voices and narratives that are present in your life that are telling you all of the time that what you're doing is wrong, that impacts you.
that impacts you. And it impacted me more deeply than I would ever like to honestly admit.
And as I was moving through 2025, this is the pattern, the patterning that I started to really recognize was, wait a minute. Does this actually belong to me? And why is this coming up now? I've removed myself. And yet, that narrative, so many of those things were so
deeply integrated into my being, that I had to pull each of them up one by one. Not an easy process, not an easy process because when you pull it up, when you realize this is not the truth of who I believe myself to be, you also have to accept that that is what you allowed.
Nicola Harris (13:44.579)
And it wasn't because I actively chose that, but in many ways I did. In many ways as it was happening, I could feel in my body that this isn't the truth of who I am. But because the blueprint of love from my father was toxic and based around a lot of trauma, I just continued that.
And I mean, I literally said to myself, you guys, when I was in my early 20s, that I was not going to repeat. I was self-aware enough to say that I was not going to repeat this. And in so many ways, I have not repeated it. And yet, very slowly, almost without my full understanding, it started to show up in my marriage.
Nicola Harris (14:40.108)
And I packed that around for a really long time. Who do you think you are is one of my core edges.
Who do you think you are?
I recall the time where he said that to me and I think that might have been even the first time I ever heard anyone say that.
Nicola Harris (15:09.868)
very early on when we were dating when my career then was really starting to blow up.
and I shrunk.
Nicola Harris (15:22.734)
They shrunk.
Nicola Harris (15:27.47)
And so 2025 has really been about me really coming to terms with all of the BS that lives in my body, still some of it.
Nicola Harris (15:46.38)
and coming to terms with what is truth.
about who I am and what no longer fits.
Nicola Harris (16:02.156)
And it was beautiful and brutal at the same time because as I mentioned, I'm planting these huge seeds. I'm finishing my book. I'm editing it, which
which was like an unholy, holy process. It felt like I was being stretched to decide what I really believe in. This isn't a fluffy book. Behave is about everything that I have walked through, the principles that I use, the principles that I pull on, the principles that I've utilized to build.
seven, many seven figure businesses. And it's not even a business book. It is a self leadership book. But all of these things, all of these truths that I know in my bones.
Nicola Harris (17:00.396)
like sitting with those words.
just pulled me in a way that felt so incredibly important to the process of who it is that I'm becoming.
Nicola Harris (17:16.396)
Which you know is so incredibly beautiful because I think, gosh, many times I felt ashamed like why haven't I just started writing?
But I'm not sure I ever could have shown up in the writing in the way that I have now.
if I was still or had been in the environment that I was in.
And so I also deeply believe in divine timing of when things are meant to move. I am not a failure because I took 23 years to accomplish this goal that, you know, I probably could do now in less than six months.
Nicola Harris (18:02.562)
But that all of these pieces, the journey, the experiences, the life that happened in those 23 years really set me up to anchor into a place within myself that has a potency that did not exist before.
Nicola Harris (18:28.182)
And yet all of these thoughts, these voices, I mean, it comes to me and it might be different for you, but it comes to me in sensation. So it'll feel like my gut drops, like, know, when your stomach just drops and you get really anxious, nervous in your belly. When I'm making decisions that are outside of the comfort zone of my ex-husband, I know it sounds absolutely mind blowing.
that that still feels, can I do that? Can I really be this person? Can I really show up in the world as this version of me?
Nicola Harris (19:18.902)
And you know, I had to ask myself that question over and over and over again. And I just couldn't give up. I couldn't give up on myself.
Nicola Harris (19:31.798)
I couldn't give up. My soul was relentless in reminding me over and over again that I am meant to speak. I am meant to teach. I am meant to write.
Nicola Harris (19:46.262)
in the most mundane of things. It's all there. I can't escape it, to be honest. And that's how I knew that even though all of this noise exists in my body, all of...
All of these thoughts are here.
But I can still choose different. I can still choose me. I can still choose my truth.
and pave a way for myself and my family and for the work that I feel so incredibly connected to in the world, that I can still choose that.
and it's not out of spite of anyone, it's not to prove anyone wrong.
Nicola Harris (20:38.978)
because I don't even want the energy of that near any of this.
Nicola Harris (20:45.772)
It's about remembering.
remembering who I am in the conversation.
remembering who I've always been.
and that all of the experiences that I've had, both traumatic and toxic and also beautiful, all of that is fueling.
Nicola Harris (21:16.782)
the version of me that gets to step out in 2026 very differently.
Nicola Harris (21:28.204)
And that's the thing that I've always believed is that all of this has been here for me.
I have overcome a lot. Sometimes when I share my story, not even just of my husband's infidelity and the journey of that, that we went on together.
not even in relation to the sexual trauma I experienced as a child.
It's not even just about those big, huge things. It's about all of the life that's been in between. The beautiful moments, the expansive moments, the moments where I said, no, I can't keep being this small.
all of it here for me to choose to choose myself.
Nicola Harris (22:33.483)
And so I get to step into this year.
not totally perfectly nipped up in terms of those beliefs. Because I'm not sure. I'm sure every layer, every layer that I have expanded into calls on and brings forward different limiting beliefs that I didn't even necessarily know existed yet. And that's why this work is so incredibly important.
is because I could nail my strategic plan. I write strategic plans on the weekly, honestly, of where I need to set my priorities, who I need to talk to, what resources do I need, how can I plan for this. That's easy. But undoing and remembering who it is that you are in order to be able to call in the thing that it is that you want, that.
That requires you.
that requires you to have a willingness to go to that well, the internal one, all the time. I don't believe that my nervous system work will ever end. I have come, I don't even recognize who I was at the beginning of 2025.
Nicola Harris (24:01.829)
I had just moved me and my three children out of the home that we had lived in for 10 years very quickly because things were unraveling very fast and I had to make a swift decision. I moved myself alone. I hired movers. I got us through Christmas. December was when we finalized everything with our lawyers.
which let me tell you if you've never gone through a separation.
Nicola Harris (24:37.709)
count yourself very, very lucky because it is humbling.
You know, I had so much hope for 2025.
Nicola Harris (24:49.739)
And I will always be so incredibly proud of every version of myself who still had hope that all of this stuff could be happening. And there's still a sliver of hope that exists.
Nicola Harris (25:09.847)
Like I'm so proud of her. I'm so proud of her. For even though all of this was going on, she still sat down to finish the book, to submit it in February. I mean, God, what a fucking rock star she was. What a fucking rock star she was. To be able to show up in that way and still believe that she had something to offer.
Nicola Harris (25:40.544)
And yet I don't even recognize so much of myself from back then. And that was only 12 months ago. And so I get to start 2026 with this incredible understanding that while these beliefs still are in there, I have not.
Nicola Harris (26:02.529)
I have not completely, it's like I need an exorcism. That's what it feels like some days, especially as I was like coming through this December leading up to the beginning of 2026, knowing that this was gonna be the year that so much was gonna change.
Nicola Harris (26:20.407)
But it's OK that they're there. It's OK because I now have enough of an awareness around it that I can hear it and I cannot allow it to lead me. I can hear it and I can make a different decision for myself. I can hear it. I can know it. I can feel it. And I still get to show up.
as all of me.
Nicola Harris (26:54.349)
And that is the gift. That is the gift. And that is where we're starting 2026 off with.
This year is going to be, I actually, I'm not even sure how this year is going to be because it is already so big and so beautiful and the things that are coming are so outrageous.
in so many ways.
and maybe not to everyone.
but even for the version of me who I was a year ago.
Nicola Harris (27:35.231)
It feels monumental to be able to show up in my work and claim this space for it, to reach who knows where.
And so I'm so excited that you, this was an emotional episode, I'm so excited that you are here. I do not take for granted any of you who listen, whether it's a snippet of this podcast or you subscribe and listen on the regular.
Nicola Harris (28:12.639)
It truly is the privilege of my lifetime to be able to share myself and the work that I am so incredibly obsessed and in love with.
so that you also can go create the life that is uniquely yours, not anyone else's, not what you should do, not what your father or your husband wants you to do, but a life that is so incredibly yours. So thank you so much for being here. 2026 is gonna be off the hook and I can't wait to share all of the things that I have planned.
for all of us. But for now, please reach out if you need any support in your life, if you are working through anything big. Just know that I have room for you.
and that we always have hope.
Sending so much love. Have a beautiful week.
